The Mono

Today, I have felt: loved, appreciated, supported, special, attractive, sexy, tickled (in a good way), satiated, connected, relaxed, and respected. I have felt so good I laughed out loud for the sheer joy of it, several times.

Multiple people have been the cause of this, which is even more flattering. They were careful of my feelings, making sure that I was comfortable first, entertained second. I feel like I have been a delight to those who spent time with me, which is a beautiful change in my perception. And I feel deeply cared for by some wonderful people, who believe that I am both lovable and deserving of love.

Not every day is like this. I hope I can remember some of the feelings, though, to hold as a talisman during some of the days when I feel particularly unlikeable.

I was exhausted, living with constant grinding pain, coasting along and trying to make the best of things. I was maintaining a LARP website that I had taken over from britgeekgrrl, going to game, and spending most of the rest of my days in bed.

I had met a fellow gamer, a nice, slightly odd fellow whose character was wrapped up in some plot point with mine. We had gotten to talking, and I found him comfortable, soothing. He gave good hugs. Being around him was the closest I had gotten to finding some sort of painkiller. I was over at his place, on the couch, enjoying his presence and updating the game site for that week. I took a break and reclined a bit, and he took the opportunity to kiss me. And that was that.

The last eight years have had their ups and downs, sometimes big ones. The fires got banked to coals, and sometimes seemed to have gone out. Just in the last few weeks, though, I've been digging down in the ashes, and found not just the warmth that I'd forgotten, but a few sparks left. I'm finding more every day.

There are times I've wondered why I'm with him, but the reasons are right in front of my nose. They always have been. We never really changed except for the better.

He doesn't read LJ, but I thought I'd post this anyway.... I love my Weasel. Happy anniversary-like thing.

My week: ( here, have a cut )