The Mono

Water flow: 2
Reservoir size: 6
Crack severity: 1

I'm not sure I ever actually explained this one. Each category is out of 10. "Water flow" is how fast my energy replenishes after doing something; high is good. "Reservoir size" reflects my overall stamina: ignoring refill rate, how many things can I do in a short period before I run out of energy? Again, high is good. "Crack severity" takes into account anything which is sabotaging me at the moment -- inflammation, stress, hormones, being sick, and so on. The lower the better, as the more severe the crack in the reservoir, the fewer things I can do before it all runs dry. A higher crack severity than water flow means I'm rapidly headed for a crash, even if I'm not doing much.

So today is... slow. I have a decent amount of stamina, but I'd better not do things too quickly or I'll run out my energy before it has a chance to replenish. Nothing is really putting a drain on me at the moment, fortunately, so I'm just taking my time and being careful. The main thing is to take my activity level down to something my "water flow" level can handle.

Sleep resets the values, but obviously there are factors that influence it from day to day. There are too many variables for prediction, sadly.

It's flu.

It's been so long since I've had a lingering bout of it that I couldn't tell for sure... besides, I didn't get the usual signs of onset. Given that my tonsils sat it out until yesterday, then turned into raw meat again, I suspect the lack of warning was a sign of my currently dysfunctional immune system. Sigh. I also don't remember hurting this badly.

( My day wasn't entirely wasted )


Whether I'll make it to class tomorrow is anyone's guess. I'm almost tempted to say "in for a penny" and write off the rest of the week, since I need to catch up anyway. Biotech's final review is Monday, and I need to do my own in the other two classes... and I need to rest in so many ways. Not sure I could justify going out to the Exploratorium for Pi day on Friday if I skive off, though. :)

I'll be going up Tuesday afternoon, I think, to catch the history TA's office hours and talk to a prospective advisor. No classes that day.

I feel wonderful. For the first time in who knows how long, I just feel great.

Not only have I had two weeks out of contact with 409 -- I was being exposed on a weekly, possibly daily basis up in Davis -- the antibiotics I got for my sinus infection seem to have wiped out the low-grade infection in my tonsils (for now). My immune system is standing down. Add to that lots of fresh air and rest, and wow. More energy = more things done in less time = less stress = happier system = more energy. That's a spiral I can get behind. :)

( What I got done this weekend: )

I'm astounded. I haven't gotten a huge amount of homework done, but my stress level is way down; I feel less rushed, like I have time and ability to get the work done by the time it's due. I feel so much better about being caught up on gardening -- I can start digging any time it dries out enough, and I'm going to sow seeds right on time.

I'm enjoying this. I hope it sticks around for a bit. :)

Remember all those detox reactions I was having over the last year and a half, while my weight fluctuated because of exercise/not eating/stress?

"...you are an extremely lucky person not to have encountered 409 in any of our labs in the last year and a half as it is our primary cleaner and is used daily in many of our rooms." --U.C. Davis Computing Labs Safety Coordinator

Huh.

The classrooms aren't cleaned with it, so I didn't expect the computer labs to be any different.

...



On the bright side, maybe now I won't keep getting random "detox reactions" anymore.

( I am functional, though f(x) has a non-ideal curve. )

( Updated )

The pain eased abruptly about twenty minutes after I took the tylenol last night -- I still hurt, but I could distinguish individual "voices" in the clamor. About forty minutes after that the fever broke.

I got about twelve hours of broken sleep; my ears are totally stuffed up, my neck is stiff, and my throat still feels bruised, but otherwise I seem to be okay. We'll see whether the pain is gone in an hour or so when the last tylenol wears off.

My eye is swollen, but otherwise fine.

Conclusion: I think this was indeed a CFS crash. I'd forgotten how bad they can get. Let's hope I don't get another one like this for another decade, at least...

For now, I have tea.

( I feel like death. )

This morning I attempted to get ready for school, and crashed right after my shower. Whoops.

Wednesday is my long day, with the (in one case mandatory) discussion sections, getting me home at five or so after leaving at 6:45ish. I had initially figured on going for the morning only, but that wasn't going to happen when I was so foggy and exhausted I wasn't safe to drive. So I stayed home and slept.

Since I woke up after noon (!) I guess that was a good idea. I puttered around for a bit, then fixed myself a gigantic lunch; I should feel stuffed, after eating a half a loaf of bread, almost a pound of fish, and a huge bowl of kale... but I don't. I'm comfortable. That was the best meal I've had in weeks.

I wrote email to my Crop Ecology TA with the question I had about this week's homework (I should get that done tonight). I also received my results for the English Comp exam: pass. I'll log in to the school system after 8 tonight to drop my Writing Program class for next quarter -- that'll take me down to a comfortable three classes. Yay serendipity.

knaveofhearts is busy tonight, which means I have time to get some homework and relaxation in before school tomorrow. I am not cold, exhausted, or hungry right now, which is a huge improvement over the last several weeks. Climbing stairs is a bit of a challenge, which tells me I'm still crashy, but I'm almost entirely functional other than that. Another good night's sleep should help more.

Bad timing for it... but a pretty good day.

Good news: most of the filling is still in place on my problem tooth (the topmost layer may have come off). X-rays say it's normal, and so does the dentist.

Bad news: That tooth's nerve is still telling me... something. Not pain, but a sort of tingling, and a little cold sensitivity.

So I'll wait and see. Either it subsides, or it'll suddenly get worse, at which point I'll have to find time to go in again.

Yay for more uncertainty in my life!

When it rains, it pours: I went to the comic-book shop, and after about five minutes in there I realized they had to have put in new carpet. (New tile, too, as it turns out... argh.) Oh, well, what's one more exposure to add to the pile?

Fortunately, contrary to my belief that it would be beyond my capabilities when toxed, weeding the garden has been the best therapy I could possibly have. Light exercise in fresh air for a couple of hours a day, while resting my brain. ( Garden rambling )

I lost a filling. Now is not the best time for it -- I have most of the afternoons of Monday and Friday free, and about an hour on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon, but I'm spending all the rest of my time up north. School doesn't have any way to plead for time off for a dentist appointment.

It's particularly inconvenient because I need time to find a new dentist. I guess I can call up my old one, but I haven't been in for several years... the main reason for that is that he and I just don't work well together. I don't want anesthetic, which makes him palpably anxious, and that's a bad quality to have in a dentist.

Does anyone know of a better-than-average dentist somewhere around central Contra Costa? I'll hit Berkeley if I have to, but I'd rather have one close to home. My requirements are a non-new office with non-toxic cleaning supplies (or at least enough flexibility to be willing to change what they use), and a dentist with steady nerves who can handle a patient who requests fillings with no anesthetic. Mine is just too empathetic (and I suspect he has a low pain tolerance himself). Skill is always good, too, though I'm not especially difficult.

I'm not a fan of holistic dentistry as a class; it's rather like chiropractic, in that there's a much greater percentage of quackery. If you have someone where you can swear that they're not going to try to use kinesiology to determine what filling materials are safe for me, I'm willing to give them a shot. At least they tend to clean their offices with safe substances.


I suppose I could ask around in Davis, as well, but I have no leads on where to start looking.

I walked into the SciLab computer lab this morning, smelled something, and paused to check. Yup, I could feel brain cells quickly going offline... walked back out. Came back after a few deep breaths to ask the desk guy what I was smelling. After a moment of confusion, he said, "Oh, yeah, I used 409 on the" and stopped when I swore. I called over my shoulder (I was already walking out) that I'm sensitive to it.

I took some C to mitigate the effects, and I should probably take some charcoal in an hour or so to catch the metabolites. It wasn't fresh, but it was recent enough; I'm missing about half my peripheral vision, I'm a bit foggy, and I can feel a few waves of reaction. Lovely.

They've changed the fragrance -- I can smell it now, when it used to be odorless to me. That's a good thing.

Maybe I should stick to Hutchison... there are no whiteboards in here other than the ones in the attached classrooms and the teeny ones that announce the class schedules. I've been lucky on this campus -- this is the second exposure in a year and a half of going to god knows how many rooms. Luck only goes so far, though.

I hope I'm not too toxed out to garden this weekend. The weather's supposed to be great. As it is, I'm glad this didn't happen yesterday before my history midterm...

Edit: Sonofabitch. I go in to MU Station to ask the CRC there about who I should contact about general computer lab policy... and after she hands me a card I realize she's wiping down the counter with 409 right in front of me. DAMMIT.

I wasn't sure whether I should contact IT before, but if they just handed out shiny-new bottles of 409 for all the labs to use, they're damn well hearing from me now. Just as soon as my brain starts functioning again.

I got the first shot (of three) of the HPV vaccine this morning.

The shot itself wasn't as bad as tetanus (which feels like a red-hot needle), but it wasn't fun either. The muscle cramped for a minute before settling down. Now I feel like I've been punched hard; I keep working my shoulder to keep it from stiffening up, and it's hot and a little swollen. My temperature regulation is a little off, I'm feeling a touch queasy, and wow I'm tired.

All in all, not horrible -- I'm hoping this is the worst I get. Definitely worth it to reduce my chances of cancer.

Next dose is in March.

So I took the GRE yesterday afternoon. It was an experience, but overall not bad.

( The GRE, then a nice dinner )

( This morning )

So now I'm done for a while... TV with knaveofhearts tonight, then nothing concrete. Oh, a possible party, or flexible engagements with friends... but no appointments as such. I can relax at last.

My throat is sore again. We're down to about a 15-day cycle now. After three attempts to get a referral through to Woodland, all I'm hearing from my insurance lady now is silence. (Edit: she just sent me mail saying she faxed the damn thing personally. I'll call Woodland tomorrow.)

The orange cheese powder I got from Barry Farms tastes very familiar (which is good). I have no idea whether it will meet foogod's criteria, but it tastes like some incarnation of Kraft's. I'm content.

I'm very tired; I may bomb the biochem midterm tomorrow, but I'm too burned out to care much.

Despite the fact that I'm at high risk of tetanus (I deal with thorns and dig barehanded in dirt), I haven't had a shot since '89. My secondary doctor discovered this and, of course, tried to convince me to get one. I do believe she found the only way I could be scared into it: they'd immunize me against whooping cough as well, which (she reminded me) is currently sweeping across college campuses, including ours. My lungs are weak to start with... I'm seriously calculating now when I could afford to spend a day or so in bed with a fever and have little use of my left arm for most of a week, which is what I get with tetanus shots. Way to go, doc.

I got all three professors to agree to write referrals. I need to finish my statement of purpose and get them signed up for the online thingie. But all that aside... I got the people I wanted! Woo!

My Russian teacher will give us a take-home final (she found out that the scheduled final was from 6-8 in the evening, which decided her). That almost makes up for my irritation at getting downgraded on my paper because her expectations weren't revealed until after we turned it in. I was tired enough that I snarked about it... to her face. Whoops.

(Edit: it would seem the snark (and later discussion of the story in question) had the effect of making her soften the penalty; apparently she misinterpreted my subtlety as lack of diligence. No effect on my overall grade, not that I was worried about it. Still, I feel a little better.)

Less than two weeks to go. I'll make it.

I'm ready to not be sick now. I'm so done. It can go away any time...

I've got a referral to Ear/Nose/Throat, which may take me to Woodland instead of Sacramento (Sutter/Davis doesn't have anything free until February). I'm willing to miss class at this point; not being sick is more important to me than grades. The current bout started on Friday night, and instead of fading after four days, it's been six and it's still trying to climb into my sinuses. At least it's (mostly) been leaving my lungs alone after the first two days, and my throat isn't too swollen.

General consensus is that my tonsils are in the process of failing, and they're out of warranty... we'll see what ENT has to say. It would mean that this isn't one bug, but several in succession, minor things that my immune system would normally munch without a second thought. The interval is down to about 20 days, though, and the constant inflammatory immune response is hammering my chronic fatigue triggers. As if this quarter weren't difficult enough already.

I'm at home today, as Russian was cancelled and I took the quiz for Cuba yesterday in office hours. I wish I were well enough to take full advantage of a free day, but I'll use it to rest and relax and hope that helps out my immune system. I'm ensconced in bed with my laptop and a great deal of tea. Maybe after I drink the rest of the six or seven mugs' worth I'll stop feeling like my upper respiratory tract is cracking from dehydration.

I made raisin bread last night, and came pretty darned close to the objective. Some fine-tuning is required, of course, but I have lovely, moist, slightly chewy sweet bread with raisins and a little cinnamon. Damned good for a first attempt. I learned a great deal about handling the magic flour in the process, and about the manner and order of addition for both eggs and butter. If I had the time, I'd pull together my recipes and start on a wheat/gluten-free bread book. Much testing is still required for the kneaded breads, though I have several quite-adequate batter breads already, along with some desserts. (I really ought to try challah one of these days...)

I should find out whether Morgan's brewing this morning, and see about picking up some mash if I can. I won't dig much today, but I'd like to have the amendments on hand.

Bahahaha! Kids First! (SFW)

( A day spent at home )

The significance of the holiday doesn't escape me, but there's little I can do other than well-wishing. It's rather depressing to think about the current situation without having any recourse. Still... to the one two veterans on my friends list: this day's for you.

So much for Ento lab... I almost fell down climbing the tame little steps at the front of Briggs. I told the TA I'd miss this one.

Next train is 2:25. Not sure what tonight looks like, but right now I don't want to be driving much. I may revive when I reach home. I can't tell at the moment.

Killing time in the ARC, but I'll go out to the station way early and nap on the benches there to make sure I don't miss it. I'll turn my phone on.

...

*sigh*

I slept from 7pm to 6am. I skipped homework, dinner, and plugging in my phone. I feel less exhausted, I can catch up on the homework easily enough, and my phone is going to die sometime today.

( not a lot of substance )

This is what I get for falling out of the habits of 1) carrying an alcohol wipe with me and 2) washing my hands religiously after using the lab keyboards.

Bad timing, in that I have a take-home final I need to concentrate on this weekend. I'll still go to the party this evening, as I've had no indication in the past that I'm openly contagious at this stage, but I'll take precautions all the same. Hopefully I can whup this before it becomes more than an annoyance... Yin Chiao and lots of vitamin C seemed to do the trick last time.

S. pyogenes, how I hate thee.