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Nov. 1st, 2016

cougar

The Doctor and fire beyond the hills

I dreamt that someone was foolish enough to plan a Weeping Angels wedding, and just as the Angels were about to descend on the wedding party, the Doctor (or someone dressed up as him) made an entrance with his companion to save the day, using some kind of video technology that would provide a constant live feed of the Angels to the internet's billion sets of eyes.

I dreamt that he had had a premonition of one of his companions as a member of the undead, with blackened eyes and mouth and pale as a sheet otherwise, and that it worried him all through the process of catching an alien with a Big Gun who was rampaging around -- and then, after capturing the gun and getting it to blow itself to pieces, he looked up from where he was sprawled across the rubble and saw his companion, who had been much closer to the explosion, with black soot all over her eyes and mouth, and concrete dust on the rest. She opened her eyes wide at him and laughed at his expression.

Those were much more cheerful than the dream about watching the bizarrely-colored pillar of flame and smoke rising from a vessel (oceangoing? Maybe an aircraft carrier?) on the other side of the Willow Pass hills, which changed hue as the fire moved from one tank of exotic fuel to another; when we started to hear pop-pop-pop we knew it had moved to the armory, and it was only a matter of time before the big ordnance started to go off.

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Oct. 2nd, 2016

cougar

Getting back on the horse

I decided that I was going to get on the bike today if at all possible.

Adventures and gamingCollapse )

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Sep. 28th, 2016

cougar

A candle in the dark

This is probably going to get reposted to Tumblr, because it's personal-political.

A Chronic Fatigue/ME rally as a watershed momentCollapse )

I have an account as Torquill on Dreamwidth, and that's where I posted this. You can sign in with OpenID to comment on the original post, or you can go ahead and comment here; either way works.

Sep. 17th, 2016

tea

Reality as it currently is

Long update, mostly health-relatedCollapse )

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Aug. 19th, 2016

cougar

Ouch, right in the childhood

The trouble with getting involved in social justice is that you start to learn the scripts that people use.

Self-development and its impact on relationshipsCollapse )

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Aug. 13th, 2016

cougar

Ups and downs

So yesterday was a good-bad kind of day. Lots of amplitude.

The good, the bad, and the iunnoCollapse )

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Aug. 7th, 2016

wilson

Sexuality, identity, and personality in play

I went to a play party last night.

Vague sexual references, identity stuff, and general musingsCollapse )

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Jul. 20th, 2016

wilson

Up and running

Okay, a general health update.

Mostly goodCollapse )

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Jul. 14th, 2016

cougar

Yatta!

This was the kind of day I keep wanting to have. I pretty much Did All The Things. My to-do list isn't comprehensive, but I:

- Fed myself three times (yay)
- Took all necessary meds
- Hard-boiled some eggs
- Took out the trash in the living room and bedroom
- Deposited a couple of checks
- Wrote a check for my Master Gardener dues
- Mailed it
- Sent out a reminder about the next MG workshop (on time!)
- Answered an email from East Bay Burners
- Called Social Security and spent an hour on hold
- Called Broadway Terrace Nursery to thank them
- Called UC Santa Cruz to update my alumnus info
- Watered the plants in the front yard
- Picked some nectarines (I need to clear the tree tomorrow)
- Dropped some at the horse-owner's house
- Got a bag of alfalfa pellets from the feed store
- Got a replacement bathroom light switch
- Cut a piece of gutter and put ends on it
- Set the maple pieces to soak in the gutter-tray
- Installed MS Office on my VM
- Installed Crescendo
- Installed SketchUp
- Filled out a LARP application
- Fixed up my bike
- Made a DIY phone mount for the bike
- Installed Pokemon Go and got it set up
- Went out on the bike for 15 minutes (oh my thighs)

I still want to do a few minutes of voice work, but I think I can rest for the remainder of the evening and feel virtuous.

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tea

One small step forward

How is it that simply calling the Social Security Administration to make an appointment is enough to make me feel like crap?

Don't answer that. I know the reason... I still haven't expunged the creeping feeling that by applying for permanent disability I'm giving up and admitting failure. It doesn't matter that asking me to work a 40-hour week is equivalent to asking a paraplegic to dance a waltz -- the conditioning I've had my whole life, around work ethics and capabilities and what makes a person worthwhile, is all acting like a horrible swamp full of trash that sucks at my self esteem.

I deserve to be able to live without trading my health for money. The fact that I'm reliant on others is not through any fault of mine, and I shouldn't be ashamed of it. Most people don't have a full-time job of just keeping their bodies going.

I'll keep saying these things to myself, and maybe I won't be a complete wreck by the time my appointment comes around. If I am, well, my therapy appointment is that afternoon. We'll see on August 2.

I have an account as Torquill on Dreamwidth, and that's where I posted this. You can sign in with OpenID to comment on the original post, or you can go ahead and comment here; either way works.

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