I'm telling you this because I promised everybody I'd let them know when it was official. It's now official. I am no longer Alison; I am Sam.
It's been a long and difficult road since last fall, figuring out how to become the person I truly am, and it's been full of surprises. Chief among them was discovering that I am not a woman, and never have been. I am coming out as agender, and a member of the genderqueer and trans communities.
Agender is not something most people are familiar with; it's on the non-binary gender spectrum, but in my case it essentially means that I fall somewhere between male and female, but I don't feel either of them very much. Sometimes I feel kinda more feminine, sometimes I'm sorta masculine. Mostly I'm just me.
I may end up presenting as female quite a bit, because (let's face it) it's hard work for me not to. But please keep in mind that how I look is not necessarily an accurate representation of who I am. You may be a kickass CFO, and the fact I happened to catch you in pajama pants (or boxers) and bunny slippers doesn't change that. If I have hips, and cleavage, and a rounded face without a beard, that doesn't make me a woman. Nothing about my body makes me a woman. What counts is how I see myself. If someone asked you whether you're a man or a woman, you'd probably answer one or the other, and be sure you're right, because you just *know*. That same feeling is how I know I'm not either of them. It's been that way for over thirty years, but I finally have the label I can apply to it.
So, if you are willing to be my friend, please call me Sam. Alison will remain my legal counterpart for a while, but I am not she. I'll probably have to keep her around until the DMV offers forms which have more than just two options under "gender".
Further details you may find useful:Name:
Sam Leslie StewartGender:
nonePreferred pronouns: Spivak
(e, em, eir, emself); the LambdaMOO flavor is the best developed. I'll accept other neutral singular pronouns (such as zie). I tolerate they/them but I'm unhappy about having plural verbs applied to me, so if you're willing to break English enough to say "they is", I salute you. Ultimately, English pronouns suck.Biological sex:
none of your businessSexual orientation:
also none of your business, unless you think you might want to ask me out (if so, email/pm/text me).Identification:
Agender, queer, genderqueer, and transgender. "Neutral gender" is a term I'm okay with but not fond of. "Neutrois" may be accurate but it's just weird. "Androgyne" is both horribly clinical and more biological in nature, and may be offensive (don't use it with anybody).Title:
Mx (pronounced "mix", thank you OED).Address:
I'm Californian, so "man" and "dude" are gender-neutral. "Your Grace" is also acceptable.
Thank you for caring enough to take me for who I am.
For what it's worth, the person I am now is happier, more at peace, and almost fearless. I could never have gotten here as Alison. I'm looking forward to my life as Sam.I have an account as Torquill on Dreamwidth, and that's where I posted this. You can sign in with OpenID to comment on the original post, or you can go ahead and comment here; either way works.
I am Sam.