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Jul. 20th, 2016

wilson

Up and running

Okay, a general health update.

Mostly goodCollapse )

I have an account as Torquill on Dreamwidth, and that's where I posted this. You can sign in with OpenID to comment on the original post, or you can go ahead and comment here; either way works.
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Jul. 14th, 2016

cougar

Yatta!

This was the kind of day I keep wanting to have. I pretty much Did All The Things. My to-do list isn't comprehensive, but I:

- Fed myself three times (yay)
- Took all necessary meds
- Hard-boiled some eggs
- Took out the trash in the living room and bedroom
- Deposited a couple of checks
- Wrote a check for my Master Gardener dues
- Mailed it
- Sent out a reminder about the next MG workshop (on time!)
- Answered an email from East Bay Burners
- Called Social Security and spent an hour on hold
- Called Broadway Terrace Nursery to thank them
- Called UC Santa Cruz to update my alumnus info
- Watered the plants in the front yard
- Picked some nectarines (I need to clear the tree tomorrow)
- Dropped some at the horse-owner's house
- Got a bag of alfalfa pellets from the feed store
- Got a replacement bathroom light switch
- Cut a piece of gutter and put ends on it
- Set the maple pieces to soak in the gutter-tray
- Installed MS Office on my VM
- Installed Crescendo
- Installed SketchUp
- Filled out a LARP application
- Fixed up my bike
- Made a DIY phone mount for the bike
- Installed Pokemon Go and got it set up
- Went out on the bike for 15 minutes (oh my thighs)

I still want to do a few minutes of voice work, but I think I can rest for the remainder of the evening and feel virtuous.

I have an account as Torquill on Dreamwidth, and that's where I posted this. You can sign in with OpenID to comment on the original post, or you can go ahead and comment here; either way works.
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tea

One small step forward

How is it that simply calling the Social Security Administration to make an appointment is enough to make me feel like crap?

Don't answer that. I know the reason... I still haven't expunged the creeping feeling that by applying for permanent disability I'm giving up and admitting failure. It doesn't matter that asking me to work a 40-hour week is equivalent to asking a paraplegic to dance a waltz -- the conditioning I've had my whole life, around work ethics and capabilities and what makes a person worthwhile, is all acting like a horrible swamp full of trash that sucks at my self esteem.

I deserve to be able to live without trading my health for money. The fact that I'm reliant on others is not through any fault of mine, and I shouldn't be ashamed of it. Most people don't have a full-time job of just keeping their bodies going.

I'll keep saying these things to myself, and maybe I won't be a complete wreck by the time my appointment comes around. If I am, well, my therapy appointment is that afternoon. We'll see on August 2.

I have an account as Torquill on Dreamwidth, and that's where I posted this. You can sign in with OpenID to comment on the original post, or you can go ahead and comment here; either way works.

Jul. 6th, 2016

tea

Kryptonite

I thought I was past this.

Finding that not all the land mines have been defusedCollapse )

I have an account as Torquill on Dreamwidth, and that's where I posted this. You can sign in with OpenID to comment on the original post, or you can go ahead and comment here; either way works.
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Jul. 4th, 2016

cougar

Sonnet: The Knave

I can't usually write sonnets. Perhaps it's because I just pulled an all-nighter.

Read more...Collapse )

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Jul. 3rd, 2016

tea

Win some, lose a lot

Dreams full of sorrow and strife. Sigh.

Love and lossCollapse )

Shutting down a racistCollapse )

I have an account as Torquill on Dreamwidth, and that's where I posted this. You can sign in with OpenID to comment on the original post, or you can go ahead and comment here; either way works.
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Jun. 22nd, 2016

wilson

The story of my life

I told my therapist that I've had a lifetime of falling through the cracks, of not fitting into any of the boxes. Forever a square peg.Collapse )

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Jun. 19th, 2016

cougar

Shakespeare via dream filter

My brain decided to do Shakespeare last night.

It was a modernized version, but it seemed to capture the right tone. I dreamt that there were two brothers, living in a mansion together. The elder pointed out to the younger that the hand-woven rug that was made for the younger's birth was ragged and worn; the younger agreed, and suggested retiring it and getting a new one to serve as the rug in the entrance hall.

The older suggested that it was a good idea -- that, in fact, perhaps the younger should trade it for a sleeping mat, since both are made to lie on the floor and a bedroll would be of more use to him while sleeping homeless. It was a pretty transparent "GTFO" message.

When the younger asked why the elder was kicking him out of the house, the elder shrugged and said that he already employed four useless men -- in my dream, they were men he kept around to play basketball against on his private half-court, and he went into great detail describing their shortfalls, like the one who had huge hands which were nevertheless as soft as pillows and couldn't hang on to the ball. He said that if he was supporting four such useless men already, what reason did he have to support his brother as well, who did even less to earn his keep?

This strikes me as exactly the tone Shakespeare would have used to establish that the elder brother was an asshole.

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Jun. 4th, 2016

wilson

Pluses and minuses

health updateCollapse )

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May. 30th, 2016

tea

Marking time

Tomorrow marks four weeks since my shot, and I'm still in the thick of it.

Fun with hormone dysregulationCollapse )

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